Here I sit, once more cautioned by the weather station to watch for potential tornado formation. I should not be surprised, this is Florida after all, and we are rapidly approaching Spring. Ah, Spring...flowers, bunnies, butterflies, rainbows and several storms. It is hard to believe I have not gone insane over the past two and a half years with all the watches and warnings. If you know me or are familiar with my previous blog entries, you are aware that I am quite afraid of bad storms. The rumble of thunder, the howling winds, the downpours beating my roof and flashes of light, send chills down my spine. But why? What exactly is the root? I am thinking I ought to figure it out, because my husband I plan on raising a family here.
I believe it comes down to the potential danger. I do not feel secure. Come to think of it, that is the bottom line to the majority, if not all of my fears. That may sound like a "duh" conclusion, but as a Christian, it should not be the case. If I dwell on all the things that could happen to me, then life is going to just chug along without me. And what is worse, I am ineffective as a witness for Christ. Sure, I can write these blogs from home, but this blog only reaches a few people...there is a whole world out there...and I'll admit to you, I do dwell on all the things that could happen.
I am bound in chains that only seem to grow tighter, and I know who holds the key, I just am, and here's that word again, afraid to let Him unlock them and set me free. It is a stronghold...emphasis on strong! It is not a struggle I am proud of, as you can imagine. It is destroying my life. In our old apartment, I remember being embarrassed when one of those surveys you post on your myspace asked "When is the last time you went outside?" The truth was, it had been a few days or more. Now, I go outside at least once a day, because I do not fear my neighborhood, but I do not go further than the end of my driveway...
It is growing more and more burdensome to deal with the multitude of fears of I experience on a day to day basis. What if a tornado hits my house? What if someone breaks in while I am sleeping? What if my husband gets in an accident on his way to work? What if I get hit by a car walking to the store? What if I get bit by a creepy, slithering reptile? What if...?
What if I just let go? Yeah, I know, I have asked myself this before, but my irrational side won out. So, where do I go from here? I do not have the answers. I do not know what my first step should be. I wish I had an encouragement to offer or some gained wisdom, but I am at a loss. Fear is a strong emotion, and it seems so real, whether it is a legitimate one or not. Have you ever been in a rut like this? How did you get out or cope?
I hope to return with my own answers!
I believe it comes down to the potential danger. I do not feel secure. Come to think of it, that is the bottom line to the majority, if not all of my fears. That may sound like a "duh" conclusion, but as a Christian, it should not be the case. If I dwell on all the things that could happen to me, then life is going to just chug along without me. And what is worse, I am ineffective as a witness for Christ. Sure, I can write these blogs from home, but this blog only reaches a few people...there is a whole world out there...and I'll admit to you, I do dwell on all the things that could happen.
I am bound in chains that only seem to grow tighter, and I know who holds the key, I just am, and here's that word again, afraid to let Him unlock them and set me free. It is a stronghold...emphasis on strong! It is not a struggle I am proud of, as you can imagine. It is destroying my life. In our old apartment, I remember being embarrassed when one of those surveys you post on your myspace asked "When is the last time you went outside?" The truth was, it had been a few days or more. Now, I go outside at least once a day, because I do not fear my neighborhood, but I do not go further than the end of my driveway...
It is growing more and more burdensome to deal with the multitude of fears of I experience on a day to day basis. What if a tornado hits my house? What if someone breaks in while I am sleeping? What if my husband gets in an accident on his way to work? What if I get hit by a car walking to the store? What if I get bit by a creepy, slithering reptile? What if...?
What if I just let go? Yeah, I know, I have asked myself this before, but my irrational side won out. So, where do I go from here? I do not have the answers. I do not know what my first step should be. I wish I had an encouragement to offer or some gained wisdom, but I am at a loss. Fear is a strong emotion, and it seems so real, whether it is a legitimate one or not. Have you ever been in a rut like this? How did you get out or cope?
I hope to return with my own answers!
In Christ,
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