Tropical Storm Fay is now starting to truly make its presence known in my area. To the native Floridian, I believe this storm is just business as usual. To me, it is a nightmare. And so, you can only imagine the frenzied state I am in.
When the wind and rain started yesterday evening, I was grateful that my husband had made it home earlier than previously estimated. With the promise of bad weather moving in over night, I had a difficult time getting any sleep. In the wee hours of the morning, my husband's alarm went off, which he silenced. He then rolled over and went back to sleep. I was pleased by this, since I hoped it to be a sign that he was planning on staying home, due to the poor weather. Alas, a call to his boss dashed all hope. Apparently, today is business as usual. (Ah, those Floridians!) No, after nearly three years I do not consider myself a true Floridian. Until I am a pro at dealing with these storms, I cannot think of myself as one.
So, here I am...it's 6:41AM. My eyes are threatening to close of their own valition and my muscles are sore from all the tension. I hear the gentle pitter patter of rain outside, but I know what is coming. I am torturing myself. You should've seen the anger that seathed through my body when I was informed that it was "business as usual." I worry about my husband out there in the elements and I worry about me...here...alone. There's the all too familiar fear of the power going out (which it has once already), the threat of tornadoes and just the utter lonliness. It is enough to drive this person insane.
The advice I was given: Pray. I must admit to almost scoffing at this. I mean, duh...that's a simple answer. It is easier said than done, though. It is easy to pray to God on other people's behalf. It is easier to pray when the sun is shining and things are going well. It is easier to pray for something small or that you want but don't crave. But praying during the storm? How do I do that? Reciting "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" (Philippians 4:13) as an encouragement to yourself in small situations is one thing. Believing it to be true of yourself, when things seem completely out of your reach...that is really hard!
How do I make it more than words? How do I let Him truly impress that truth upon my heart? My heart is so tangled up in anger, anxiety, fear and a miriad of other emotions, that I am finding it very challenging to have faith. Yep, that is what is required of me to make that verse have true meaning in my life. Faith... I used to think fear was at the root of all my struggles, but really it is a lack of faith. Without trust in God, I am open to all sorts of worries, anxieties and phobias. I am open to attack.
I wish in writing all this, I suddenly felt compelled to make the most of today. The pain is ebbing a little, and I can only attribute this to God. He must love me an awful lot to be so patient. I overreact so often to fears, so to those who are slumbering away right now, I would probably come across like a lunatic. I don't suppose I would blame them for thinking me one, either. To the Christian, if you feel led, your prayers are always appreciated. To everyone else, if you are being impacted by this storm, I pray you find shelter not only in the physical means of a home, but under His wings. That is where I endeavor to dwell today.
Sincerely, Melissa
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