The rules of grammar sometimes allude me, so please forgive my rough composition of thoughts...
Life crawls along seemingly slow when you are a child. The break Summer offered, was truly time enough to recuperate from the "rigorous" schedule elementary school offered. Of course, looking back it easy to see those were simpler times. In my buckled-up sandals, matching shirt and short set with my goofy grin brimming from one freckled cheek to the other, the biggest conflict to me was how to wriggle my loose tooth free, so I would not have to endure my mother pulling another out for me or learning how to tie my shoes.
It seems life comes at you much faster when you are older. I still remember dreading my first day in grade one and now it has been over three years since I graduated high school. It is funny how my priorities have changed as well as my concerns. The old insecurities of middle school are still there, in a sense, but when the newest Backstreet Boys CD comes out, I won't be rushing to the store that day to purchase it. I am more concerned with modesty and comfort, over the trends in fashion. I would rather be invited to an At Home America party than a party with loud music and dancing...then again, that is not really something that has changed, it is simply more acceptable for a married twenty-one-year-old to say that, than a thirteen year old girl.
Of course, I do not have the late night, movie marathon, giggle fests we called "sleepovers" with the girls anymore. Somehow, that does not bother me though. At the time, it was exciting and fun to be included but now at bedtime I would rather snuggle up close to my husband and fill out some Mad Libs, chat over a game of Rummy 500 and do our devotions together. A part of me misses the comradory I was able to find in high school and college; the fellowship and accountability was abundant. That is one reason I do sigh a little when I hear about the latest adventures the girls are having in my old dorm, or the new experiences that my high school friends are getting to take part in...without me.
I did make my choice though, and in the end, I do not regret it. Ray is a piece of that time that God allowed me to take home with me and integrate into my life. He strives to serve our Savior with all his heart, which offers a great example for me. Being close to him, has brought me closer to Him. Through Ray, I have been able to see the spiritual growth that has occurred over time.
As a child, my faith was simple. I knew God was in my heart. I believed He had a home in me and was making a difference in my life. It was not until ninth grade though, that I developed a deeper relationship with my Father. Since then, I have continued to have some hiccoughs along the way, but compared to the person I was, I see I am definitely not stagnant!
My parents produced pretty good demonstrations of faith throughout my childhood. Of course, the family devotions, prayer, Christian schools and church helped...still, seeing them continually seeking God's will when it was abundantly clear what He was asking of them, even if it required great sacrifice, they were ready and willing to follow. We were always provided for, even in the lowest of lows. Hopefully, that part of my parents was instilled in me.
One more thought, just because I was discussing it recently with my best friend, Becky. When did I cross into the territory where it is exciting to receive a casserole dish for Christmas? She was just recently engaged and asked me to be Maid of Honor (or in my case Matron of Honor) for her wedding but we both were laughing at how much things have changed. You see, she was with me at the peak of my boy-band obsession and the drama that is middle-school. So, we both just had to wonder "Really, where did we cross that line?" I honestly remember tearing open wrapped gifts at Christmas, oohing and ahhing at the sight of the various toys or CDs I now beheld and then (since we opened one gift at a time, in turn) watching my mom smile as she held up the crock pot she had just acquired and thinking to myself, "I really dread the day I find that exciting!"
It's not so bad though. I see such things as an investment in my life, in my family. Better tools in the kitchen or around the home make my job easier and I more effectively am able to show Ray how much I care. Yes, my measure of success has also been effected. I strive for a clean house and to make sure my husband is comfortable. If I succeed, then I am pleased. Of course, it stinks that it is a never-ending task and everyone else (outside my husband) is under the impression I do nothing around here (that I need a job) but Ray makes an effort to help out and in addition convey his gratitude. My biggest accomplishment, about a week ago, was my first pie I ever made from scratch. Eager to get over the hurdle of "It looks too hard!" I tied my apron 'round my waist, set out all the necessary ingredients and set to work following the recipe in my Betty Crocker cookbook. About an hour later, I pulled a beautifully browned, pecan pie, from the oven. MMM! It was a big hit :)
What have you noticed about yourself as time goes on? Has your perspective changed? If you are a Christian, struggling with the failings in your walk with Christ, look back on the road you have traversed to see how far you've come. Do not measure yourself against anyone or anything else, except of course the Bible. Don't dwell on the past (because all we have is now) but learn from it and understand that one thing the past shows you, is that we are all destined to make some of the same mistakes again...and again. Keep at it! If you are not saved, I hope that you will consider what has been missing in your life and realize that the best change of perspective and the greatest growth, comes in knowing the Lord as your Savior!
"For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life."
~John 3:16~
"One thing I ask of the LORD, this is what I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the LORD and to seek him in his temple."
~Psalm 27:4~
In Christ,
PS: As you observe and ponder life, please check out these songs that pose some questions---
What Are You Waiting For-Natalie Grant
What If-Nichole Nordeman
Why-Nichole Nordeman
Who Am I-Casting Crowns
"Do you want to be free?/Lift your chains, I hold the key./ All power on Heav’n and Earth belong to me."
(Set Me Free-Casting Crowns)
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