Dear Reader,
Life is full of twists and turns. Some turns take you to the place you always dreamed of, others lead you to a place you did not even know you wanted to be. Still, others can direct you right into the path of pain and suffering. A lot can be said about a person in whether they are constantly looking around the bend, just taking each turn as it comes or living each day worried, even dreading, what may come.
Unfortunately, I am a combination of the first and the last. It seems I am always seeking greener fields yet expecting barren soil. Not satisfied with my present circumstances I keep wishing and hoping for something more, impatient with life. But I waste days before the television, lost in a daze, unsure what to do with myself...scratch that...afraid to do what I want to do. To sum it up: I do not know what is coming around that bend, I assume whatever it is though, it's gotta be bad. Therefore, I do what I can to avoid supposed dangers. This means I don't get out and do much. I'm so afraid of losing life, I am not living.
What it really comes down to, if I truthfully express myself, I realize I am not completely entrusting my life to the very One who breathed life in me. The One who died so that I may live eternally...ETERNALLY! So, why I am so preoccupied with this earthly visit and why don't I trust God? The reason I am once again pondering such things is because of a rather large bend my husband and I are rounding. We just bought a home.
I am sure you were expecting me to say I was experiencing something bad, but that's why I am so upset with myself. This is supposed to be a wonderful, new chapter in our lives and I am consumed by how miserable I feel my present situation is (where we live at this moment). I am so eagerly anticipating this next bend in the road, that I am actually finding it difficult to function.
All the pent up stress from the home buying process and the dealings with our current living situation (which is not ideal, hence our move) popped today and I found myself in my husband's arms, sobbing passionately. I am so thankful to have his understanding and support. I know he does all he can to make sure I am taken care of and I feel very secure under his watch. Somehow, it often seems to be lost on me that God loves me increasingly more; that He can tend to me with His omnipotent power. A loving Father does not wish bad things on His children.
He allowed something good, something truly blessed to happen for us. I have no doubt that this move was orchestrated by His hands. Several days passed before I was able to even accept that the house was ours and we were truly getting out of this unpleasant neighborhood. Now that it has set in I find myself chafing at the bit. I am so discontented. What a way to "live" a life!
If you are someone who is going with the flow, not worrying about tommorrow, leaving that to God, I hope you continue to find peace in His care. However, if the jumble of thoughts I shared above is something you related to, I encourage you to start by picking up your Bible. Something as simple as reading a chapter or two an evening can bring you closer to God. This low I perodically hit, not surprisingly, comes when my relationship with my Heavenly Father is lacksed. Keeping Him in the loop, makes me attentive and aware to all the good things He has placed in my life. In turn, I then begin to talk to Him more, which opens up the needed line of communication. Personally, I keep a prayer journal. Writing to Him is easier.
The bottom line is: Life is uncertain but God's love is certain. If you are one of His children, your future is certain as well. Therefore, I hope you are able to memorize these truths and keep them in your heart. That way, those unexpected bends won't be dreaded and the impatience with the present, will subside.
In Christ,
